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Featured Quotes by Dave Barry

dave barry

David Barry (born on July 3, 1947), son of a Presbyterian minister, grew up wanting to be a writer, and in his early years was known as a class clown. He first started out as a reporter in the early 1970s, and later developed a newspaper column that provided readers with his comic take on daily life. At its peak, his weekly column appeared in over 500 newspapers. (from the

Dave Barry -       [view or shop for Dave Barry books]
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [sports]
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [success]
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [wisdom]
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
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Dave Barry -       [funny]     [sayings]
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [family]
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [sports]
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [philosophers/resources]
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [Will Rogers feature page]
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [character/education]
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [proverbs]
If you were to open up a baby's head, and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should, you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [law-of-attraction]
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [positive thinking]
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
Dave Barry -       [funny]     [christian/spiritual]
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

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Dave Barry -       [view or shop for Dave Barry books]
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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